Last night, after some Michigan football, I reconnected with my new friend Bethanie for drinks at the Boat Basin in the Upper West Side.
She shared with me what she learned over the summer. For a better dating life, she is realizing it is in her best interest not to be texting guys. Her new conviction and strategy must be working rather well because she has 4 dates set up for this next week.
Funny she would come to this conclusion because earlier in the summer she was encouraging me in texting guys. In fact, she insisted on texting a pic of us from her phone to the guy I'm most interested in. I knew it probably wasn't the best idea in the world, but she thought I needed to throw something his way to make it clear I'm still interested.
And now she is telling me the opposite.
I feel like there are a lot of mixed messages thrown my way in knowing how to interact with guys - especially for girls like me and Bethanie who are confident, attractive, and put together. We are "instructed" to sit back and wait for guys to pursue us. Yet, we're also told we're intimidating, so most guys (at least Christian ones) "don't have the balls to ask us out." It places us in an unfortunate predicament.
My friend Matt from Spring Hill insists guys need some bait thrown their way, otherwise they won't go after the girl. My other friend Matt from college says he only pursues girls he knows are already interested in him.
Meanwhile my second hottest guy friend tells me, "Katrina, guys aren't that smart." While my friend Sally's husband tells me, "Guys are idiots. We need women to throw bricks at us."
Needless to say, I threw several bricks this summer, hoping the guy I'm most interested in would consider the possibility of us once more. But I'm now realizing with each brick I threw I probably pushed him one step further away from wanting to explore the possibility of us.
To clarify, the "bricks" I'm talking about are symbolic. (I'm not a violent person.) I'm referring to unnecessary text messages.
I feel like I should mention something about making a commitment not to text, but I won't. Because I know it's inevitable I won't follow through with it.
But my conversation with Bethanie is a good reminder, if he (whoever he might be) is not making a point to initiate communication with you, he's just not that in to you.
* I'll save Ruth's scandulous "strategy" for another day.