Monday, June 25, 2012

Why 7 Months?

I heard a bunch of relationship stories this past weekend.  I suppose it's inevitable for the topic to be discussed when you're hanging out with a bunch of 20/30 somethings who are mainly single hoping to find somebody some day.  (Don't get me wrong, we talked about other things too - like the health care system in America, the female genocide taking place in China, and man buns.)

One gal shared how she thought she had found someone.  They had been dating for two years and discussing marriage, but on the very day she thought he was going to propose, he dumped her instead.  He informed her ring shopping didn't go as planned.  It's not that he didn't find a ring he liked - he did.  He just realized he didn't like her enough to get her one.

Somebody else, a guy who tried to get me to drive him to the nearby casting  for The Bachelor instead of to the beach, shared a story of how this girl he had been dating ended up marrying her best guy friend instead.  He felt duped - by both her and her family.  She had always insisted it was only friendship, and perhaps it was, but the foundation was being laid for something more.

Then I heard the story of my friend Heidi.  She explained that she and this guy had some sort of instant connection the night they met.  Heidi was hopeful some sort of something might transpire shortly following the incredible evening they had together, but nope, the guy didn't take any action.  Instead, he keeps his distance, leaving Heidi no choice but to give up on the possibility and start dating other guys.  But then, one day, 7 months later, he shows back up in her life.  He made the decision he wants to pursue her, they date for less than a year, he proposes, and she says yes. Heidi explained to me, "It was so easy."

But I'm still wondering, why the 7 months lapse in time?  I had that happen to me once before - a summer romance came to an abrupt halt in August, but then a few days after Valentine's Day I get this apologetic e-mail, and this guy starts pursuing me once more.

Granted, I know there is a timing element involved in all relationships.  But I'm confused by the delay in game.  And delay in game stories are not helpful to hear when all the signs say, "He's just not that into you."  Because those stories give the female me population hope that maybe he is into me, but perhaps he just isn't quite yet ready for me.  But will he ever be?  It is foolish for any woman to place weight on the maybe, but confession, we do it anyway.  Not because we want to, but rather because we think the he is incredibly amazing compared to the rest.

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