Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Like Wine

This evening I tweeted:

some stories are like wine, needing time to mature before opening up and sharing... richness comes with time, so does healing #WriterLessons

The book I'm working on includes stories of the past - like ones up until Aug 2010.  What's fascinating, is by the end of 2010 I thought I had finally "arrived" at a place of success and safety, only to be swept back up into a tornado less than a year later.  In this, I've realized, there is no arrival point, but rather life is an ongoing series of trials and events, and victories and celebrations.

At the beginning of last week I e-mailed the following to a friend:

"Living out of my car as a homeless, couch-surfing, vagabond, isn't a good situation for me to be in with my health being as such. And it is difficult to write and job search in such circumstances. Today I found a decent deal on a short-term sublet that I'll be staying at from this Friday, Oct 5 until Sunday, Oct 21. Only a few more days of praying for couches to sleep on; I'm thankful."

Yesterday I tweeted:

the # 1 adjective people use to use to describe me is "random." this year the word shifted to "strong." almost through the storms

My health has been poor for nearly a year now, and over the summer my health got progressively worse.  My parents watched me in my weakness and pain - through my fatigue episodes, and nauseating migraines.  The silent tears of July turned into wailing by summer's end, and my parents begged me not to return to New York.

My sister told me on the phone just last week, "Mom and Dad are worried that you're going to die of a brain aneurysm or seomthing and that they're never going to see you again."

That's when I got scared.  Because over the course of the past several months I've felt my body being destroyed.  And I wondered if satan would win my body, because he knows he can't take my heart. 

But that's part of the reason I knew I had to get back to New York.  I needed to be reconnected to my body - my local church body.  For some reason I knew that if I could back to my church, the healing would begin. 

And it has... I'm still not fully recovered, but I know I'm getting there, and it won't be long now before I'm walking in the fullness of who God intended me to be - healthy and whole.

A few days ago a woman who attended the fall conference I coordinated wrote me the following message:

So beautiful inside and out. Thank you for your kindness and all your hard work. I appreciated it and was a true beneficiary of it. Everything went splendidly! Thank you for seating me at the dinner with some wonderful people whom were warm and inviting, as I was there alone. May the Lord bless your servant heart in the days ahead and give you the desires of your heart, even those from a little girl...He says to Dream Again...You've caught Our Father's eye...

I'm ready to dream again... just need my body to cooperate with me.  Praying for soon.

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