Sunday, October 14, 2012

Holding on with Hope

Tonight I'm reminded of a song I wrote years ago.  As the song suggests, I wrote it while hoping the guy I liked would call - and actually, he did.  Mid-way through writing verse two the phone rang.  And my heart leapt - the same way it did tonight when something unexpected happened that stirred emotion in me. 

The lyrics "sound" much better on my guitar than on my screen.  The words here are flat, and noticeably amateur.  But I don’t claim to be a song writer, so I’ll stop the disclaimers and let you read what should be sung.

We try to ask the question, "Where is this going?"
But failing to have the answer, we just hold on close
Close to ending everything, while moving right along
My problem is identified and maybe I'm wrong

I don't want to go to bed without hearing your voice
Holding the phone with hope you know I wait
I wait
I wait for you to call
But this time circumstance leaves me
You leave me
Can't you see you've left me all alone

I know you feel the same, by the look in your eyes
Our friends can see it too, why bother to deny?
Denying won't do anything, the feelings are still there
To say good bye forever, is a thought I cannot bear

Tonight I'm one step closer to writing a song with a line I've been wanting to use for years:

Words may slip, and so might I
I slip your hand into mine

He reached for my hand tonight not realizing the implications of his simple, playful gesture.

You see, the second month of this year he told me he finds me to be an attractive woman.  He went on to describe qualities and characteristics he sees in me, affirming my gifts and my character.  He made no mention of my physical appearance - not because he doesn't think I'm pretty, but because ultimately, in today's post modern, porn dominated world, it isn't the external that attracts a guy to a girl.  

A week later, in the third month of the year, another man arrived in the city.  During his brief stay he unexpectantedly swept me off my feet, and I "forgot" about February.  March showed a tremendous amount of upfront interest that kept me wondering and hopeful for months.  But I think he was only attracted to the physical me, or the idea of me.  So when I wasn't in front of him anymore, he forgot me.  I supsect he wasn't attracted to my spirit, and so his attraction for me was short-lived - or so that's my theory.  But I also suspect, if he took the time to get to know my spirit, he would be amazed to have found someone who understands his spirit.  And we'd both feel known and understood a bit more.

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