Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Chapter 11

I was "reprimanded" twice this week - once for not yet having finished my book, and the other for not yet having returned to New York City.  I'll do both soon - or so I hope.   Although I've finished the beginning and the ending of my book, there are lingering chapters in between that still need to be worked on significantly.  Here's the unedited and uncensored opening to Chapter 11 that I worked on recently.

I Hate Book on Christian Dating
I promise, this isn't one...

After meeting up with my second hottest guy friend, I headed over to my friend Carmen’s for at-home karaoke.  Carmen and I have been friends since middle school, when we’d have slumber parties, and sneak out of her house and toilet paper our friend Johnny’s.  One time, mid-TPing, Johnny’s dad came out on the porch with a rifle and yelled something scary.  While the other girls got away safely into the cornfields, I got stuck in the driveway.  I crouched in the shadow of a truck tire for nearly a half hour, getting bit up by mosquitoes, afraid to kill any of them for fear if I swatted, Johnny’s dad would know I was there and take a shot at me.
To make matters worse, I had to pee really, really bad.  I still had a roll of toilet paper in hand, good for wiping, but there was no way I could go until I was far from the lit up yard.  Johnny’s dad had turned on every single light.  I knew I’d have to wait it out, hold it in, and hope I wouldn’t piss my pants in the process.  Meanwhile, this cat kept strutting back and forth, near me, meowing loudly and drawing attention to my hide out area.  I tried to tell it to shush, but it ignored me.  That damn cat; I hate cats.  I’ve always been more of a dog person.  Finally, when the scene felt safe, I made a mad dash off the property, and into the cornfields, where I help fertilize the neighbor’s crop.

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