Big Kid Part I

"He's just a big kid."

I nodded in agreement - yes, he is.

She didn't mean big in size - although he is that too (tall, not wide) - but rather this woman was describing this man's persona and approach to life.  When you go by the numbers, he definitely qualifies as an adult.  Like me, he's 35.  The big kid she was referring to is the guy from down the shore.

This conversation took place following our lake's property association meeting this morning.  But before the meeting I spoke with my aunt, and in light of my unresolved health issues nearing the 2 year mark, she expressed her concern and reminded me my biological grandmother passed away at the age of 42.  Although her death certificate says one thing, there is some speculation ovarian cancer prompted her decline.  I never knew the cancer part and assured my aunt I would be tested for that too next time I go in for blood work.

Funny how I use to want a nice wedding.  Now I just want good health insurance.  The strategic in me wondered aloud over dinner tonight if I could find a guy with a good job to agree to signing a marriage license with me so I can pay into and be covered by his health insurance until I land a job.  No sex - only my thank you - and the promise of an annulment by the end of the year. 

My parents didn't seem too fond of this idea, and so, instead, next week I'll be signing up for catastrophic insurance with a $5,000 deductible.  Years ago my parents agreed to contribute to $5,000 to my wedding, but said tonight they'd be willing to put that cash towards my medical bills instead.

This past week was particularly rough, and so was a week ago Thursday.  I can't decide which I like better - my fatigue episodes where I'm too weak to do anything and feel desperate for oxygen, or my migraine headaches that last 24 to 72 hours with occasional vomiting.  Some of my migraines are mild, and I can push through them without too much bed rest.  In fact, this past Wednesday I wrote through one and it felt great.  I felt like I was giving Satan the middle finger, telling him to F**k off, I will finish my book regardless of the sh*t he's putting me through.

I think too often we blame the wrong party.  We call God out on crap that is actually Satan's doing.  The more I remember that the brokenness in the world stems from the evil one - not God - the more I can trust and believe God is good.

But back to a week ago Thursday - when I wasn't feeling so hot... a guy from New York City had asked me out - here, in Michigan.  We had met the day before while I was out for a run...