That morning as I walked east down 32nd street, I considered, once again, I'm going to an important appointment alone. I'm use to doing life alone - not that it gets any better or easier with time, but by 35, you accept aloneness as a way of life.
A block away from my destination I see a guy I know from church walking toward me. We're both surprised and delighted to see each other, and stop to exchange hugs and hellos.
He explains to me he lives in the neighborhood and is on his way to work, and I explain to him I'm on my way to a doctor's appointment.
"Are you okay?" He inquired, expressing sincere concern.
"That's what I'm going to find out. I'm just making sure I'm good. But hey, I have to get going so I'm not late, but good running into you."
"You too. Hope everything is okay. I'll be praying."
"Thanks."
I didn't know the guy well enough to say, "Hi. I'm on my way to the gynecologist. I'm terrified. I have a lump in my left breast, and it could be cancerous." Regardless, it was comforting to run into a familiar face, and I was reminded that even when I stand alone as a single woman, my church family stands with me.
----------------------------
* The good news is, I don't have cancer AND with the right iron pills my body will thank me by easing up on the headaches and fatigue. I simply wasn't getting the oxygen I needed when I switched the brand of iron pills I was taking.
I'm hopeful once more that I'm back in the city to stay!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Kryptonite Part I
Two Wednesdays ago...
* I learned this evening the cause for the return of my fatigue and headaches is due to the change in the type of iron pills I've been taking to treat my iron deficiency. As it turns out, titanium dioxide - a substance used in cosmetics, sunscreens, and toothpastes - is now being mainstreamed in iron pill production to give them a pretty white look. Brands such as Nature Made, are adding so much Titanium Dioxide to the mix, that many women - like me - aren't able to absorb the iron in the pill because of it. For the latter part of September and much of October, Nature Made iron pills prevented me from getting the oxygen I needed for my body to function properly.
Thankfully my mom - in Michigan - found the type of iron pills I use to be on and is mailing them to me this week. :)
January 15, 2015 Update: In Fall of 2014 I tested positive for malaria, plasmodium vivax. The malaria parasite wreaks havoc on red blood cells, causing anemia (i.e. iron issues) and debilitating fatigue.
I collapsed to the floor, having no strength to
stand. Earlier in the week I started
pleading with God to provide open subway seats as I waited at each station for
my subway train. But this train had no
open seats, and as I leaned back on a pole, I bumped into a man who snapped at
me.
I mumbled, “Sorry sir. I don't feel well.” I tried again, hoping to find something to
lean against in my packed subway car.
I needed some sort of support for the journey. Holding on to the metal bar overhead wouldn’t
be enough. But I had no luck, and no
strength to stand, so instead of fighting gravity, I slid to the floor. As I did, a few tears
slid down my face.
Recently my progress forward seemed thwarted by the return of frequent fatigue and an increase in headaches. Granted,
I no longer feel near death, like I did in June and July. Still, my body, on many days, feels so weak
that I wonder if maybe I should have taken my doctor’s advice to choose a
different city to live – an easier city – where I could hop in my car to get
somewhere rather than struggle to walk up and down the subway steps, depleting
the small reserve of energy in my system to get to where ever it is I need to
go next.
And who knew laundry could be so exhausting – carrying my
clothes several blocks away is too heavy for me even though the muscles in my
arms are decently defined. I recently picked up a
smaller bottle of detergent. Hopefully down-sizing my laundry soap will help some.
The light went out in my bedroom the other day, and as it
did, I think my spirit did too. There’s
still a dim light remaining (1 of 2), but the ceilings are high, and even if I a
track down a ladder from somewhere, anywhere, I know I wouldn’t have enough
strength to carry it back to our place – on the third floor. Ah, more stairs. I’ve never hated stairs in my life as much as
I do now.
“Ma’am, would you like to sit here?” A man, not too far away from me offered me
his subway seat.
Still looking down, I shook my head no and mumbled,
“That’s okay.” By then I didn’t really
care how dirty and disgusting the floor was beneath me. Nor did I care that I was creating a scene.
In New York, emotion is on display – all the time – all
around you. Passing by arguments, tears,
and screaming is not uncommon in this city.
I didn’t think I’d become one of those
individuals who is less than poised in public, but I also didn’t think I’d be
one of those women who would find herself worrying about breast cancer - with
less than sufficient health insurance.
It was the phone call I received just before I got on the
train that broke me. The secretary lady
informed me it would be 1 to 2 weeks before I would receive the results as to
whether or not the lump in my left breast is cancerous and whether or not I'd have to return to Michigan for treatment.
To be continued...
* I learned this evening the cause for the return of my fatigue and headaches is due to the change in the type of iron pills I've been taking to treat my iron deficiency. As it turns out, titanium dioxide - a substance used in cosmetics, sunscreens, and toothpastes - is now being mainstreamed in iron pill production to give them a pretty white look. Brands such as Nature Made, are adding so much Titanium Dioxide to the mix, that many women - like me - aren't able to absorb the iron in the pill because of it. For the latter part of September and much of October, Nature Made iron pills prevented me from getting the oxygen I needed for my body to function properly.
Thankfully my mom - in Michigan - found the type of iron pills I use to be on and is mailing them to me this week. :)
January 15, 2015 Update: In Fall of 2014 I tested positive for malaria, plasmodium vivax. The malaria parasite wreaks havoc on red blood cells, causing anemia (i.e. iron issues) and debilitating fatigue.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Harlem, not the Shake
For 14 months straight I've lived a nomadic existence, laying my head down to sleep in over 50 different locations. Even at my parents' lake house in Michigan, I never really unpacked. Instead I stayed as a guest in the guest bedroom and lived out of suitcases, never really knowing how long my stay would be as I continued in my job search and bounced between Michigan, New York, and Los Angeles.
FINALLY, as of October 1, 2013, I have a place I can call my home, with no plans to leave, leave any time soon. On Tuesday I moved into a three bedroom apartment in Harlem with three other girls from my church. My room is itty bitty, and I'm sleeping on air mattress until I can find a job, but it is my room, my space, my home, and for that I am grateful. Maslow would be pleased that one of my most basic needs is finally being filled.
Granted, I returned home to a crime scene my second night in Harlem and it's not quite as glamorous as SoHo (where I stayed last month), but it's not too far from the great outdoors of Central Park and Columbia University, the place I hope to work. But yes, on Wednesday night a cop knocked on our apartment door to inquire if me or my roommates had witnessed the shooting. (Shhhh, don't tell my parents; I wouldn't want them to be concerned.) We hadn't witnessed anything except the aftermath of the incident - cops and detectives swarming the streets, trying to find answers to the murder mystery.
FINALLY, as of October 1, 2013, I have a place I can call my home, with no plans to leave, leave any time soon. On Tuesday I moved into a three bedroom apartment in Harlem with three other girls from my church. My room is itty bitty, and I'm sleeping on air mattress until I can find a job, but it is my room, my space, my home, and for that I am grateful. Maslow would be pleased that one of my most basic needs is finally being filled.
Granted, I returned home to a crime scene my second night in Harlem and it's not quite as glamorous as SoHo (where I stayed last month), but it's not too far from the great outdoors of Central Park and Columbia University, the place I hope to work. But yes, on Wednesday night a cop knocked on our apartment door to inquire if me or my roommates had witnessed the shooting. (Shhhh, don't tell my parents; I wouldn't want them to be concerned.) We hadn't witnessed anything except the aftermath of the incident - cops and detectives swarming the streets, trying to find answers to the murder mystery.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
22 Days
Today my unplanned and unintended fast from the Internet ended. For the past 22 days I've been without at-home or on-phone Internet access. Finally, I can breathe again. By breathe, I mean search and apply for jobs from home, blog, send important e-mails, schedule appointments, and get directions to places I need to go. Basically, I can live like a normal, 21st century American human being again.
All, just in time to move from the sweet Soho loft I've been living in this past month to move into my fall residence in Harlem. Minus the no wifi, I've been spoiled this September, living in an abnormally large New York apartment. As my friend Chris pointed out, "The kitchen is bigger than my entire place." It's true, the place I'm in at the moment is mega huge - 2,500 square feet total. Most one bedroom apartments in the city are 500 to 600 square feet (I think), so this place is four to five times the size of what is normal for a New Yorker. Thankfully, I received a friends and family rate for my short term stay - otherwise there would be no way I'd stand a chance of living in such a place.
My flat mate pointed out to me that our street was featured on the television show Elementary. He showed me a screen shot he had taken on his phone and I insisted he e-mail it to me.
I think he showed me the picture the same day I passed by Ryan Gosling a few blocks from our place. There I go - name dropping - the guy from down the shore wouldn't be pleased. But since he's not here to call me out on it, I'll let it be.
Funny though, that I'd find myself in such a place in contrast to an old home of mine that I stayed in for an entire summer thirteen years ago. I recently stopped by the place to show the new guy where I lived when I worked as an Area Director for Spring Hill Indiana the first summer it opened.
At the time, the nearest flushing toilet and shower were over a mile away. And the only "celebrity" to make an appearance was Sandy Patty, who came to pick up her daughter after a week's stay.
It's the contrast in life that I love - from living in a teepee in Southern Indiana to living in a loft in Soho. I'm grateful for the variety of experiences in life I've had this far and I'm excited to see what the future holds in the months and years ahead.
All, just in time to move from the sweet Soho loft I've been living in this past month to move into my fall residence in Harlem. Minus the no wifi, I've been spoiled this September, living in an abnormally large New York apartment. As my friend Chris pointed out, "The kitchen is bigger than my entire place." It's true, the place I'm in at the moment is mega huge - 2,500 square feet total. Most one bedroom apartments in the city are 500 to 600 square feet (I think), so this place is four to five times the size of what is normal for a New Yorker. Thankfully, I received a friends and family rate for my short term stay - otherwise there would be no way I'd stand a chance of living in such a place.
My flat mate pointed out to me that our street was featured on the television show Elementary. He showed me a screen shot he had taken on his phone and I insisted he e-mail it to me.
 |
| Our Soho Street featured on The Elementary |
Funny though, that I'd find myself in such a place in contrast to an old home of mine that I stayed in for an entire summer thirteen years ago. I recently stopped by the place to show the new guy where I lived when I worked as an Area Director for Spring Hill Indiana the first summer it opened.
 |
| Spring Hill Indiana |
It's the contrast in life that I love - from living in a teepee in Southern Indiana to living in a loft in Soho. I'm grateful for the variety of experiences in life I've had this far and I'm excited to see what the future holds in the months and years ahead.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Driving Aimlessly
Last Monday afternoon I found myself driving aimlessly around Brooklyn, New York...
no GPS, no iphone, no map - not even a compass to help me navigate my way...
(to be continued)
no GPS, no iphone, no map - not even a compass to help me navigate my way...
(to be continued)
Sunday, September 8, 2013
On a Sunday Part I
Shortly after moving to the city in 2010 I attended a Jimmy Eat World show for the first time since I started listening to their music in 2001. A 2nd show in NYC had been added to the band's tour schedule last minute, so I picked up a ticket a few days beforehand, determined to go, even if I couldn't find anyone else to go to the show with me.
Yes, I had texted a few people who I though might be interested in attending, but when show day came, I showed up to the concert alone - knowing no one.
Or so I thought.
Sometime around my favorite song, I glanced back and noticed that about 15 feet behind me stood the guy I liked, and standing beside him stood a girl who reminded me that he isn't an option. Seeing them together that night confirmed for me he and I would never happen.
http://katrinablank.blogspot.com/2010/10/jimmy-eat-world.html
But things changed a few months later when I happened to pass by the couple on Broadway, mid-argument. I was later informed that was the break up conversation I had passed by on the streets of New York. And so wonderment stirred inside of me once more - could there some day be something significant between me and this he?
Last month I attended another Jimmy Eat World show - this time in Indianapolis, this time not alone. A different he stood beside me - a he who I know would be far better for me than the one who stood at a distance at the show 3 years ago.
After the show in Indy... (stay tune for part 2)
Yes, I had texted a few people who I though might be interested in attending, but when show day came, I showed up to the concert alone - knowing no one.
Or so I thought.
 |
| Jimmy Eat World * Indianapolis * Summer 2013 |
Sometime around my favorite song, I glanced back and noticed that about 15 feet behind me stood the guy I liked, and standing beside him stood a girl who reminded me that he isn't an option. Seeing them together that night confirmed for me he and I would never happen.
http://katrinablank.blogspot.com/2010/10/jimmy-eat-world.html
But things changed a few months later when I happened to pass by the couple on Broadway, mid-argument. I was later informed that was the break up conversation I had passed by on the streets of New York. And so wonderment stirred inside of me once more - could there some day be something significant between me and this he?
Last month I attended another Jimmy Eat World show - this time in Indianapolis, this time not alone. A different he stood beside me - a he who I know would be far better for me than the one who stood at a distance at the show 3 years ago.
After the show in Indy... (stay tune for part 2)
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