Campaign Strategy

I have a smart (well, Erwin McManus calls him brilliant), Republican friend who is concerned about the economic implications for our nation if Obama gets elected to office for another 4 years.  (I'm less concerned because I'm already convinced our nation is screwed and that China, who owns us, will eventually take over the world, regardless of who wins this year's election.  We'll be called "The New World Order," as suggested by poorly produced end times movies, and Kurt Cameron will play the role of the anti-Christ.)

Today, in an e-mail, I shared with my brilliant friend a brilliant idea I had on how to get the people who don't care about politics (i.e. the majority) to cast a vote in favor of someone other than Obama.

Here is my proposed strategy:

as far as the campaigning goes, you should have some of your republican friends recruit some chinese-american college students to run a "don't let china take over america" campaign on facebook

if the video & campaigning is ridiculous enough, it will go viral.  and in doing so it will help young people understand that their vote can help prevent a Chinese take over...

the majority of Americans have no idea how indebted we are to China.

btw, i'm not serious about this idea, but since i had it, i thought i'd share it.

Later in the evening, while I was out running, I further developed my strategy.  You see, many people still won't care if China takes over our nation; however, they WILL care if China takes over our nation AND access to facebook is blocked, like it has been in blocked in China for many years.

So if our debt, and Obama's economics can be creatively linked to a potential Chinese takeover, then it won't be hard to get people to vote for Romney (or someone other than Obama).  The majority of young people don't care about politics, but they do care about Facebook.  And they WILL unify together at the polls in a grand effort to SAVE FACEBOOK!

Meanwhile...
The President of the University I use to work for has a different campaign strategy; he made a movie, explaining the dangers of Obama's economics.
http://2016themovie.com/

And his movie explains, why earlier this year, on a skype call to Uganda, my friend Ted made mention of trying to deliver goats (as a gift) to Obama's grandmother in East Africa.  He said their attempt was unsuccessful and he and my university's president got kicked off her property by local law enforcement. 

Celebrity Grandma

Old Out Takes... written around 2007...

.... It’s true; I have told my friends and Donald Miller, whom I wish was my friend, that I don’t like famous people. 

But what I have stated is not entirely true because I do like Alice (Ann B. Davis) from the Brady Bunch.  Not only did she attend the University of Michigan, but she also came and stayed at our house when I was three years old.  She’s an Episcopalian and my dad had managed to arrange for her to speak at our church in Owosso, Michigan.  I don’t remember much about her visit, but I do have a great photo of her holding me in her arms with my parents standing just beside her.  It looks like your standard, family photograph with Grandma and I keep it on my refrigerator just to mess with people.  The conversation is the same every time. 

“Hey, who’s the lady holding you in this photograph?”

“That’s my Grandma.”

“Really?  She looks a lot like Alice from the Brady Bunch.”

“That’s because she is.”

“Alice is your Grandma?!”

 “Yep.”

“No way.”  Disbelief resides as he or she begins to accept the notion that I might actually be related to a celebrity.  I let them wallow in amazement for a moment or two.

“Okay, so she’s not actually my Grandma, but that is Alice.”

“Well how did you get a photograph with her?”

“She’s stayed at our house and spoke at our church.”

“Huh.  That’s cool.”

To Be Known

This morning I ran into my friend Becki who I hadn't seen in a long, long while.  I'm not completely certain how long the while is, but since she commented on my nose ring, I'd guess at least 14 years.  More than once she exclaimed, "You're so gorgeous."  This statement caught me off guard, because I don't feel my appearance has changed all that much over the years.  Yes, I learned how to put on eyeliner.  And yes, I got braces at the age of 29 to straighten out my snaggle tooth, but I still feel like the same Katrina I was when I was in high school. 

Which, when we were in high school, Becki and I ended up on a trip to Chicago with the women's group from our church. I don't recall much from the trip, except the women from my church meeting two male dancers (I think strippers) who were also staying at our hotel. The women were enthralled by these men, and took pictures and got autographs. I found this to be a bit peculiar for a church trip, but it was when Becki and I were attending a less than Christian, Episcopal church.  Today, in America, anything goes in the Episcopal church.

Then, this afternoon, I had the unexpected gift of meeting up with a friend I've known for 16 years. The difference with this friend, is that he and I have journeyed together the past 16 years.  And when I'm with him, I feel known in such a way that no one else knows or gets me.  I treasure the moments he and I are able to share together, and today was perhaps our greatest.  Because the past year and a half our friendship got rocky, in April we forgave, but today we got to simply enjoy being with each other once more - drama free, and no more hope by me of the possibility of us someday being something more.

We spent several hours out on the sailboat, but there was no wind, so rather than sailing, we swam and laid out on the deck of the sailboat - talking - about anything and everything.  My heart is thankful for this friendship, yet hoping for an even greater friendship someday with somebody else, who will be present in my life, not just on occasion, but rather, most every day, as WE encounter together whatever may come our way.

Saturday Night Bonfires

(Post In Works!)

I didn't date a guy once who said if he could create a perfume smell, it would either be campfire or surfwax scent.  Tonight I smell like campfire; he'd be pleased. 

Around midnight, I took a pause from my book writing and joined the neighbor boys and about a dozen others from down the shore who had gathered around a rather large bonfire.

One of the guys and I got chatting, and he was curious about the book I'm working on, and so I explained what my book is about.  And then he explained he's an atheist, but he was listening to NPR earlier today and was surprised to learn a recent Gallop poll found only about 40% of Americans participate in organized religion, yet 90% of Americans say they believe in God.

It's 3 AM and I need to get to bed...

Sibling Rivalry

If my brother, sister, and I had to name our biggest rivalry, it would be over witt.  And, I think, my brother would win. 


This fall I'll be launching my official website - katrinablank.com - and one of the contributing writers for the site will be my brother Michael.

To help you understand my brother, here's an excerpt that may or may not end up in my book...

My dad has always adamantly opposed fortune telling of any sort - unless it is of the charismatic, prophetic type.  There was quite the uproar in my family when my brother Michael started co-writing horoscopes for our high school newspaper.  My dad requested that he stop, but the horoscopes were helping my brother gain so much popularity with the student body that he refused to give up the column.  No one took the horoscopes seriously, but they were always a good time to read.  So much so, that I’ve decided to include a reprint in this book.

The Best of Horoscopes
By Michael Langdon Blank & Ray Camilleri

Aries (March 21-April 19):

Use caution with your digestive system today.  Better not wear white pants.  You will breathe a lot, and blink.  Told you.

Taurus (April 20-May 20):

A large hairy man will pass you in the street, only to reappear as a large dog.  These supernatural occurrences should not alarm you.  Success comes in the form of a spoon.

Gemini (May 21-June 20):
You will learn of a twin brother, orphaned at birth.  This will bring pain, trauma, and a bad haircut.  A woman with red hair, Fritos, and a gerbil will bring good news in a dream.

Cancer (June 21-July 22):

(kan, ser), - A very harmful growth in body; malignant tumor, formed by abnormal growth of cells.  Watch out!  No more Luckies (Strikes) for you.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22):

God will appear to you in a vision and say “Man, what was I thinking?” and “By the way, are you going to eat that?”

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

You will remember something you forgot, only to forget it again.  A friend will tell you something poignant, which you will look up in a dictionary.  Remember, big words fool dumb teachers.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Reply hazy.  Try again.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

April showers bring May flowers, but you still reek.  Do not accept rides from men named Raul.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

An unusual person will approach you, whom you will kill and eat.  Remember, yours is the sign of great lovers and serial killers.  Plan your day accordingly.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19):

Shave off all your hair and replace it with Chia Pet.  Remember, the spork of justice conquers all.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

If you like 70’s music, stand up.  Now, if you like 80’s music, lift one arm.  If you have risen from the dead, sit down.  Thank you.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20):

What exactly is a pisces?  It’s a fish - a dead, bloated, ugly, smelly, slimy fish that I wouldn’t even waste a worm on.  Keep your spirits up; the good humor of reporters will cheer you.

The horoscopes, along with his frequently worn SPAM shirt, help my brother secure the title of Class Clown his senior year of high school.  He was also rather smart, so he used his wit to introduce advance vocabulary words to his classmates.  The word that spread most quickly (especially in the cafeteria) is masticate.  The word was often used to torment underclassmen who were trying to eat their lunch.  A senior would hover over a freshman and loudly exclaim, “I can’t believe you’re masticating in front of everyone!”  My brother, now in his mid-30s, works in public radio and dabbles in stand-up comedy, bicycling, recycling, and yoga.

Everything is Political

Dear You,

Can we talk politics sometime?  I'm not into them, but I understand you are, and I'm understanding I need to be.  Last summer I had a prof at Fuller who insisted EVERYTHING is political.  We were studying the book of Matthew at the time, and I didn't want to believe him because politics to me have always been like smelly, dead fish - not anything I'd want to touch, even with a 10-foot pole.

Now, there was a brief time period in my early twenties when I was slightly interested in politics, but only because I was more than slightly interested in a guy who was into them.  Early on in our complicated friendship, he e-mailed, inquiring if I was into politics.  I wrote him back, telling him, yes, I had visited White House once.

He replied, "Visiting the White House doesn't necessarily mean you're into politics." Ah yes, he had me on that one.  Regardless of my politic disinterest, he invited me to be his date the Presidential Inaugural Ball in Washington D.C.  Now, if getting dressed up and going to some fancy ball with some guy I like falls under the category of politics - then yes, I'm waaaaaaaaaay into politics.  Politics was seeming more like a fairy tale, rather than dead fish.

I accepted the invite, and purchased my plane ticket to DC, and then a few days later my date to the ball discovered he could no longer go, which meant I couldn't go either.  (See, I knew it - politics are lousy!)

Anyway, the past few months I've been wrestling with politics - the tension of wanting nothing to do with them, yet knowing it's the very thing I need to step into.  After visiting Uganda, and understanding the infrastructure shortcomings of their nation (and as a result, further understanding our own), I have to admit, my professor from Fuller is right.  Everything is political. 

So what does this mean for me?  I'm not exactly sure, but it is why I am hoping you and I might be able to chat further on the matter sometime.  Perhaps we can meet up in Central Park - by the pond with all the ducks. 

Sincerely,
Me

Not My Moment

the funniest of moments... i'm not sure if i'd describe it as a most embarrassing moment, or a most horrific moment, but thankfully, although i am in the story, it wasn't my moment...
And that's as far as I can post on my blog because as I stated above, it wasn't my moment, so it's not my moment to share.  I'll just say it involved an inappropriate mistext from a man who thought he was texting his wife, only to realize several hours later his mistake.

And instead, I'll share one of my moments. 

When I lived out in California I often surfed at the South end of Huntington Beach - except I never wanted to pay for parking at the State Beach.  Instead, I would park a half mile or so away where it is free and then hike with my backpack and surfboard to the river jetties surf area of Huntington Beach.

Well, I'm someone who tends to be overly prepared for anything and everything, so typically my backpack when I head to the beach is loaded to the max.  One day, as I'm walking with my board and my pack on my back, I hear someone call after me.  "Excuse me, miss.  I think you dropped something."

I pause, and turn around to face an attractive young, man probably in his late twenties/early thirties. He informs me, "Your backpack is coming unzipped."  I check and sure enough it is partially open.  "And" he continues on, "I think these are yours."  He places in my hand the pair of pink panties I had stashed in my backpack to change into later in the day.

I thanked the young man and rezipped my pink panties back into my backpack.  And then continued on my way, thinking, wow, that was kind of embarrassing.

*Disclaimer: I don't typically refer to my underwear as panties - only for literary purposes.