Shooting Stars

"What would you wish for if you saw a shooting star?" I asked.

It was shortly after midnight on a moon-less night.  The stars shone bright on the dark tapestry of the night.  And we layed on the deck staring up at them. 


sand lake: the deck before dark

"I can't tell you, otherwise it won't come true."  He explained.

"But we haven't seen a shooting star.  It shouldn't matter." I argued. 

I answered my own question in my head, and then pushed the matter some more with him.  "Come on, we're hypothetically speaking.  If you saw a shooting star, what would you wish for?"

He paused and then finally answered, "I'd wish for you to get your health back."

He pulled me in a bit closer to side, and I looked over to him and said, "Yeah, me too."

We had both hypothetically wished for the same thing.  He and I know any sort of us or potential future is on hold until I can get better.

I'm still not.  And although we've linked my health troubles to my time in Africa two summer ago, we still don't have a conclusive diagnosis.   I'm not sure why I write "we." I'm still an I. 

Just moments after sharing our hypothetical wishes, we saw a shooting star together.  The question remains, will our wish someday come true?

At the end of May I returned to New York to spend time with "him" and to meet with my doctor.  Finally, he agreed with what I suggested two years ago - I wasn't doing so well because of something I picked up in Africa.  My doc prescribed some meds, hoping they would do the trick.

paromomycin

On June 16th I took my last round of 7, hoping my health would return...

I'm still seeking answers.

18 Years Ago Tonight

I remember 18 years ago tonight like it was last week.  Funny how life would have me return to the same city this evening.

Falling in love at 18 is much different than at 36.  It was much easier then.  On the very day we met, he and I both considered, this could be it.

Of course it wasn't it, but he was the first guy "I knew" for certain was the one and that I would someday marry.  (After being wrong twice, I gave up on knowing.)

It wasn't intended to be a date, but we excused ourselves from the rest of the group to feed the parking meter, and then it was just us.  And by the time we drove home that night, we just knew.

The guy I'm talking to now called me the other night as he was feeding a parking meter in Denver.  Funny how Denver happens to be the same city the guy 18 years ago disappeared to and married another woman.

I had a dream about a decade ago that I ran into my 18 year old crush at an airport.  We both happen to be in the same terminal, waiting for our connecting flights.  He told me he was glad he ran into me, because he had been wanting to tell me for quite some time, "You were the one, but I chose differently."  In my dream, he felt badly, but he thought it was only fair I should know the reason I was still single.

Even before that dream, I had acknowledged there is no "the one" in the universe.  It's a beautiful concept to consider God picking someone specifically out for me to share my future with - but that's not how it works - even at times when it feels like it does.

The guy I'm talking to now, could be the one, but I also thought the same about the guy who parted ways with me last fall, when he decided to pursue work overseas and to not continue to pursue me.

That was confusing for me.  Because even though I don't believe in "the one" anymore, I thought he was - just like the man before him.

So I tell myself there isn't "the one" yet I still want to believe that God is orchestrating on my behalf a somebody for me to someday share the rest of my life with...

The guy from Denver arrives on Friday for a 3-day visit.  Perhaps he could be that somebody.  So we'll see...

Selah

Selah in the Psalms means a pause or a rest.

I'm taking a Selah from my scratch pad ramblings (i.e. what you find here) to work on a few well-developed, professional pieces of writing.  By professional, I mean, paid writing gigs. 

Although it's too soon to speak the specifics, I'm THRILLED to share I've been invited to contribute to a significant project, that will go to print by a significant publisher.

During my blogging selah, please browse old entries, and if you find any you really, really, like, please let me know here in a comment, or e-mail me at katrinablank (at) gmail (dot) com.  I'll be refining and developing several pieces for my new blogging site, and would love your recommendations on which blog entries you think I should include in the transfer. 

For now, chapter 1 of my book - I Hate Books on Christian Dating, a memoir journey towards a mysterious God - is still posted on katrinablank.com 

I'll be back in July!  And THE book will be made available soon after! 

Beyond Mozambique

The other day I came home to find my 74 year old Dad jamming with a 19 year old.  The tattooed up kid was on guitar while my Dad alternated between sax and vibes.  This took place after my dad had spent the morning visiting a 21 year old in jail who lost his father years ago.  In short, my dad is rather amazing, and more senior citizens should take after him.

In between "songs" I chatted some with the guitar player.  He explained he is heading to Mozambique, Africa to spend the summer learning from Heidi Baker and partnering with her in the work she is doing.

I had heard about this Heidi lady before from my parents, but also from a kid named Lou Lou (or Leonardo), who was one of Heidi's original street kids she took in as she was starting up orphanages in  Mozambique years ago.  As life would have it, I showed Lou Lou around New York City two Septembers ago, and in doing so, he shared some of his life story with me.

He explained to me that shortly after he was born, he was tossed in the trash.  For whatever reason, his mother (or perhaps his father), didn't want to keep him.  He was left to die, but a nice lady came along, and saved him from death.  The woman and her husband raised Lou like he was one of their own - until the age of 7.  That's when the couple who took him in visited a witch doctor, who insisted, they get rid of him or they'd be cursed.  And so Lou was tossed to the streets, to fend for himself for the next several years.

But then Heidi came along...

IN WORKS

He didn't know anything about Central Park, Times Square, or The Empire State Building.  He only knew about and requested we see the Statue of Liberty. 

And so after lunch we headed to the Staten Island Ferry to see the very figure that he has been making clay figures of for years in Africa, to be sold at churches in Orange County.


 

What's in a Name?

The other day I wrote a few friends to tell them...

so i think i might be related to christie brinkley - which would be a fabulous, especially if she agrees to meet up with me sometime in the city.  i tweeted her today; i'll keep you posted if i hear back.  i'm foolishly dreaming she could be the answer to help fund the company i'd like to start that would sell products/raise funds for women who have escaped human trafficking.

here's the story: after new, new guy (from eharmony) mentioned he thought i kind of looked like christie brinkley in some of my online profile pictures, i looked up christie on Wikipedia and discovered she's originally from monroe, michigan, and the daughter of a man named herbert hudson.

monroe is the same town that my Wikipedia notable relative - Stephen Herbert Langdon - is  also from.  so perhaps - just maybe - her dad was named after my great, grandfather's brother - and we're distantly related.

after dreaming of this possibility, another man messaged me today, telling me i resemble christie brinkley. ha!  how crazy would that be if we shared some of the same genes?!

I'm not exactly sure why I got so stoked about this far-fetched possibility, but I'm glad I did because it served as a reminder that the world is full of possibility and you never know what might be waiting around the corner. 

And that's called HOPE, and even when a certain hope doesn't pan out - such as with a job possibility - the hope of a better future encourages us to press on, even when the present isn't looking so pretty.

3 AM

Over the weekend - last weekend - I received a 3 AM text, from an individual who will make it into my second book.  The book is likely to be titled, "My Life is not a Chick Flick... or is it?" and will include my movie-esque adventures from my time in New York City.

I hadn't heard from this guy in a couple of years, so I was a bit surprised to receive the shout out, and at such an hour.  But in hearing from him, I thought I'd post the tale of meeting him that I first posted to facebook November 1, 2011.

SUBWAY MISSED CONNECTION in NYC - e-mail my boss received & forwarded to our entire department at work today; he thought the inquiry was for a student, but oh no, it was for me...

"I met you dressed as Pocahontas in the subways on Saturday night.  I was dressed as 1% milk (occupy the fridge).  For the rest of the night, I kicked myself for not asking the gorgeous girl with the happy smile on the subway for her number!

So, here I am trying to make amends.  You said you worked in Residence Life at King's, and I found this email on the school's site.  If you are so inclined, this is my e-mail, and my cell phone number.  Would love to meet you for a coffee sometime."

I'm impressed that this Yale med student found me; we didn't even exchange names...

I also went on to say in my facebook post something I wouldn't post now, regarding my wish that Christian men would pursue like that...  but actually, since then, I've had several Christian men show intentional interest in me, so I'm beginning to believe this pursue thing actually does exist.

Like today, I received this special flower delivery, from a man I'm just starting to get to know. 

Although he didn't have my mailing address, he attempted to have these flowers delivered to me while I was substitute teaching.  He surmised I'd be in Onsted - my hometown; however, I substitute teach in three different school districts - and I wasn't in Onsted, so the initial surprise delivery didn't quite work as planned.  In the end, the flower place called me, and delivered them to my home.  But yes, they eventually did find their way into my hands, and I was thrilled to receive them.  After all, what girl doesn't love getting flowers?

Redefining the Wow

Sometime ago I updated my facebook status to read, "Dear You, You've redefined the WOW of what I am looking for in a man."

The "You" is a guy who reeled me in some summer ago as we sat on top of a lifeguard stand.  We exchanged stories and smiles, well after the sky had faded into night. 

He seemed different from the city men I was accustomed to - there wasn't anything particularly "flashy" about him.  He wasn't overly attractive (like the model I had dated), overly wealthy (like the man with the gold mine who took me out for drinks), or overly well-known (like the one who prayed for the president on television.)

Instead, he was comfortable.  I was comfortable.  I felt safe with him - even though we had met only hours before.  My spirit told me he could be trusted.  And I felt perfectly content sitting beside him. 

Yet, as summer shifted to fall, I was hesitant - because I still wanted the "greatness" of New York - a him who the world - not just me - acknowledged as amazing.

But "You" was patient (as love is) and persistent with me, and it didn't take long for me discover the greatness in him. 

He was gentle - a gentleman.  Author Erwin McManus once pointed out, "It takes a lot of strength to be a gentle man."  He went on to explain that much self-control is needed to not act out in anger or rage, and to still be kind even when the world isn't. 

Like I said, I felt safe with him.  I felt safe in conversation, and when he held me in his arms.  I knew he'd be an amazing husband, and father.

Yes, he was different from what I had envisioned, but a good different.  I explained to my lawyer friend that when I thought of "You" I thought of Jesus.  And how the people anticipated a Messiah of a different sorts - one who would take over their kingdom with a power they understood.

Instead, the week before his death on the cross, Jesus road into Jerusalem on a donkey - a sign of humility.  And instead of overtaking the throne, he laid down his life - that we might have life.

Jesus is different - far greater and far safer than perhaps what we have been made to believe.  And he is committed to journeying with us into eternity.

As the leaves departed from the trees, "You" decided to part from me in his pursuits to serve those overseas.  Yet he has shown me much and who he is - in Christ - still amazes me.