Friday, June 20, 2014

18 Years Ago Tonight

I remember 18 years ago tonight like it was last week.  Funny how life would have me return to the same city this evening.

Falling in love at 18 is much different than at 36.  It was much easier then.  On the very day we met, he and I both considered, this could be it.

Of course it wasn't it, but he was the first guy "I knew" for certain was the one and that I would someday marry.  (After being wrong twice, I gave up on knowing.)

It wasn't intended to be a date, but we excused ourselves from the rest of the group to feed the parking meter, and then it was just us.  And by the time we drove home that night, we just knew.

The guy I'm talking to now called me the other night as he was feeding a parking meter in Denver.  Funny how Denver happens to be the same city the guy 18 years ago disappeared to and married another woman.

I had a dream about a decade ago that I ran into my 18 year old crush at an airport.  We both happen to be in the same terminal, waiting for our connecting flights.  He told me he was glad he ran into me, because he had been wanting to tell me for quite some time, "You were the one, but I chose differently."  In my dream, he felt badly, but he thought it was only fair I should know the reason I was still single.

Even before that dream, I had acknowledged there is no "the one" in the universe.  It's a beautiful concept to consider God picking someone specifically out for me to share my future with - but that's not how it works - even at times when it feels like it does.

The guy I'm talking to now, could be the one, but I also thought the same about the guy who parted ways with me last fall, when he decided to pursue work overseas and to not continue to pursue me.

That was confusing for me.  Because even though I don't believe in "the one" anymore, I thought he was - just like the man before him.

So I tell myself there isn't "the one" yet I still want to believe that God is orchestrating on my behalf a somebody for me to someday share the rest of my life with...

The guy from Denver arrives on Friday for a 3-day visit.  Perhaps he could be that somebody.  So we'll see...

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