The bad news is my health was especially poor this past week.
The good news is I met a doctor Thursday evening. His pick up line: "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you have a flip phone..."
Perhaps it's time I get a second medical opinion. :)
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Reclaiming Radiance
Today I wrote in my journal, "I'm learning to value myself enough to no longer let people take advantage of me."
A number of years ago one of the students I worked with told me, "You're the most radiant person I've ever met." The gal who spoke the words claimed atheism, yet she came to Young Life club every week and often listened to me talk about Jesus. I was encouraged by her words because I knew the radiance she spoke of stemmed from a life of following Jesus. I trusted the time I spent with her planted seeds of hope and curiosity within her.
But a few years after she spoke of my radiance this same girl witnessed me being treated poorly. As I allowed myself to be disrespected by someone who she knew claimed to be my friend as well as a Christian, this girl lost all respect for me. I've never been the same in her eyes because I didn't stand up for myself. She watched her "hero" be trampled upon in my "refusal" to claim my value as a human being, made in the image of God.
I later wondered if she lost all wonderment in Jesus that very night as I failed to value myself the way Jesus does.
I mention this story because I discovered today that it is likely that some of my ongoing health issues are related to how I've let others treat me. My counselor told me concerning one particular instance, "You should be angry. You were treated poorly."
But rather than being angry, I extend grace and my physical body, rather than the responsible party, receives the message and impact that how I've been treated is not okay.
One step closer to wholeness and healing - no more mistreatment of me. For too long I've "valued" keeping the peace at the expense of my own dignity.
* Please note, in July 2013 I would learn that oxygen deprivation was also a contributing factor to my poor health. After years of running and being a woman, my ferritin level (i.e. iron stores) had dropped so low that I was no longer receiving enough oxygen for my body and brain to function properly.
A number of years ago one of the students I worked with told me, "You're the most radiant person I've ever met." The gal who spoke the words claimed atheism, yet she came to Young Life club every week and often listened to me talk about Jesus. I was encouraged by her words because I knew the radiance she spoke of stemmed from a life of following Jesus. I trusted the time I spent with her planted seeds of hope and curiosity within her.
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| Reclaiming Radiance * Katrina Blank |
But a few years after she spoke of my radiance this same girl witnessed me being treated poorly. As I allowed myself to be disrespected by someone who she knew claimed to be my friend as well as a Christian, this girl lost all respect for me. I've never been the same in her eyes because I didn't stand up for myself. She watched her "hero" be trampled upon in my "refusal" to claim my value as a human being, made in the image of God.
I later wondered if she lost all wonderment in Jesus that very night as I failed to value myself the way Jesus does.
I mention this story because I discovered today that it is likely that some of my ongoing health issues are related to how I've let others treat me. My counselor told me concerning one particular instance, "You should be angry. You were treated poorly."
But rather than being angry, I extend grace and my physical body, rather than the responsible party, receives the message and impact that how I've been treated is not okay.
One step closer to wholeness and healing - no more mistreatment of me. For too long I've "valued" keeping the peace at the expense of my own dignity.
* Please note, in July 2013 I would learn that oxygen deprivation was also a contributing factor to my poor health. After years of running and being a woman, my ferritin level (i.e. iron stores) had dropped so low that I was no longer receiving enough oxygen for my body and brain to function properly.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Saying Goodbye
This morning a dear family friend passed away, not even a week after her 84th birthday celebration. My own grandmothers passed away before I had the opportunity to get to know them, but I did have the opportunity to get to know this lovely lady - Anna Pennington.
My interaction with Anna this past September was minimal, but in December she was well enough to hold a conversation. She remembered my name after I prompted her with a clue. "I'm Dick and Bettina's daughter."
"Katrina!" She proudly exclaimed. Anna's memory at that point in time wasn't the greatest, so even I was amazed she was able to recall my name correctly.
I told Anna about moving to New York and working in the Empire State Building. And then she wanted to know if there was a man in my life and insisted I invite her to my wedding. I regret I won't be able to invite her to my wedding, but I trust she's enjoying the celebration of being in the presence of our Lord - a far grander celebration than any earthly wedding feast.
My interaction with Anna this past September was minimal, but in December she was well enough to hold a conversation. She remembered my name after I prompted her with a clue. "I'm Dick and Bettina's daughter."
"Katrina!" She proudly exclaimed. Anna's memory at that point in time wasn't the greatest, so even I was amazed she was able to recall my name correctly.
I told Anna about moving to New York and working in the Empire State Building. And then she wanted to know if there was a man in my life and insisted I invite her to my wedding. I regret I won't be able to invite her to my wedding, but I trust she's enjoying the celebration of being in the presence of our Lord - a far grander celebration than any earthly wedding feast.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Go Dog Go!
On Friday my nephew Nolan turned 3. The beauty of childhood is the natural inclination to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. There is much to learn from those we teach.
I think I need to go to Central Park, and throw some rocks in a pond - to simply watch the splash they make, and the ripples that extend out as a result of their impact. And as I watch I'll resist the temptation to get overly contemplative about life.
Or perhaps I'll curl up on the couch this week, with some bubble wrap, and go to town, popping the air out of the bubbles. And not feel guilty at all for ruining perfectly good packaging.
And if I was back in the Midwest, I'd build a fort in the basement with my niece and nephews, and crawl inside and read them a book. Preferably my favorite book - Go Dog Go! - but of course, I'd let them choose.
Kids are great - offering a perspective on life that forces us to rethink our daily pressure to excel and achieve.
One of my Prof's at Fuller, Chap Clark, once pointed out to our class that 3 verses away from the frequently recited passage about coming to Jesus for rest, is a verse that talks about what is understood through the eyes of a child.
Matthew 11:25, 28-30
25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
It is when we set aside the worries and concerns of being "grown up" that we are able to receive the rest for our souls that we so desparately need.
I think I need to go to Central Park, and throw some rocks in a pond - to simply watch the splash they make, and the ripples that extend out as a result of their impact. And as I watch I'll resist the temptation to get overly contemplative about life.
Or perhaps I'll curl up on the couch this week, with some bubble wrap, and go to town, popping the air out of the bubbles. And not feel guilty at all for ruining perfectly good packaging.
And if I was back in the Midwest, I'd build a fort in the basement with my niece and nephews, and crawl inside and read them a book. Preferably my favorite book - Go Dog Go! - but of course, I'd let them choose.
Kids are great - offering a perspective on life that forces us to rethink our daily pressure to excel and achieve.
One of my Prof's at Fuller, Chap Clark, once pointed out to our class that 3 verses away from the frequently recited passage about coming to Jesus for rest, is a verse that talks about what is understood through the eyes of a child.
Matthew 11:25, 28-30
25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
It is when we set aside the worries and concerns of being "grown up" that we are able to receive the rest for our souls that we so desparately need.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Holding on with Hope
Tonight I'm reminded of a song I wrote years ago. As the song suggests, I wrote it while hoping the guy I liked
would call - and actually, he
did. Mid-way through writing verse two
the phone rang. And my heart leapt - the same way it did tonight when something unexpected happened that stirred emotion in me.
The lyrics "sound" much better on my guitar than on my screen. The words here are flat, and noticeably amateur. But I don’t claim to be a song writer, so I’ll stop the disclaimers and let you read what should be sung.
VERSE 1
We try to ask the question, "Where is this going?"
But failing to have the answer, we just hold on close
Close to ending everything, while moving right along
My problem is identified and maybe I'm wrong
But...
CHORUS
I don't want to go to bed without hearing your voice
Holding the phone with hope you know I wait
I wait
I wait for you to call
But this time circumstance leaves me
You leave me
Can't you see you've left me all alone
VERSE 2
I know you feel the same, by the look in your eyes
Our friends can see it too, why bother to deny?
Denying won't do anything, the feelings are still there
To say good bye forever, is a thought I cannot bear
Tonight I'm one step closer to writing a song with a line I've been wanting to use for years:
Words may slip, and so might I
I slip your hand into mine
He reached for my hand tonight not realizing the implications of his simple, playful gesture.
You see, the second month of this year he told me he finds me to be an attractive woman. He went on to describe qualities and characteristics he sees in me, affirming my gifts and my character. He made no mention of my physical appearance - not because he doesn't think I'm pretty, but because ultimately, in today's post modern, porn dominated world, it isn't the external that attracts a guy to a girl.
A week later, in the third month of the year, another man arrived in the city. During his brief stay he unexpectantedly swept me off my feet, and I "forgot" about February. March showed a tremendous amount of upfront interest that kept me wondering and hopeful for months. But I think he was only attracted to the physical me, or the idea of me. So when I wasn't in front of him anymore, he forgot me. I supsect he wasn't attracted to my spirit, and so his attraction for me was short-lived - or so that's my theory. But I also suspect, if he took the time to get to know my spirit, he would be amazed to have found someone who understands his spirit. And we'd both feel known and understood a bit more.
The lyrics "sound" much better on my guitar than on my screen. The words here are flat, and noticeably amateur. But I don’t claim to be a song writer, so I’ll stop the disclaimers and let you read what should be sung.
VERSE 1
We try to ask the question, "Where is this going?"
But failing to have the answer, we just hold on close
Close to ending everything, while moving right along
My problem is identified and maybe I'm wrong
But...
CHORUS
I don't want to go to bed without hearing your voice
Holding the phone with hope you know I wait
I wait
I wait for you to call
But this time circumstance leaves me
You leave me
Can't you see you've left me all alone
VERSE 2
I know you feel the same, by the look in your eyes
Our friends can see it too, why bother to deny?
Denying won't do anything, the feelings are still there
To say good bye forever, is a thought I cannot bear
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Go Blue!
Today I "picked up" a Michigan fan in the laundry room. We exchanged numbers. Go Blue!
Or perhaps I should say, go Tigers?
It's the 11th Inning of the Yankees/Tigers game. I feel like such a guy - I've been watching sports all day.
Or perhaps I should say, go Tigers?
It's the 11th Inning of the Yankees/Tigers game. I feel like such a guy - I've been watching sports all day.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Weehawken
Weehawken: City in Jersey, just on the other side of the Hudson River. A short commute away from Manhattan's Port Authority. Great view of the city's skyline. Home of my friend Marc. My Friday night.
Marc's instructions to me to get to his place, "Get on the little, short bus."
Marc's instructions to me to get to his place, "Get on the little, short bus."
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