Afraid to Create

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Momentum

This past week my blood made it safely to Utah. And I made it safely to Chicago.

After 48 days of fighting for a more sensitive Malaria test, a week ago Tuesday I had my blood drawn to be sent to a special laboratory out west. I celebrated the victory by picking up a few cute pairs of panties from the Gap in the mall. And, in a moment of weakness, I texted my ex-boyfriend.

I also returned a pair of black boots to Payless. The lady behind the counter wanted to know the reason for my return. I explained that I had been dating a guy who was 6'3", but since he and I were no longer an item I felt the heels on the boots made me too tall for dating purposes. The store worker was empathetic to the break up and the tragedy of having to worry about which shoes you can wear when you're already a rather tall woman. (For the record, I'm 5'8".)

Anyway, since I couldn't track my blood's journey like you would a fed ex package, a few days after my panty celebration I called to check on my blood's progress across the nation. Rather than receiving news of a confirmed arrival, I found out the wrong test had been performed and my blood had never even made it out of Ann Arbor.

Since my blood had since been discarded, I had to race back to Ann Arbor to get more blood syphoned out of me before the draw station closed for the weekend. I arrived at 5:59, a minute before close. Finally, this past week, I confirmed my blood had arrived in Utah. Next week I'll find out if  I have active malaria in my system that can be easily treated, or if I have unexplained chronic fatigue syndrome, which lasts an average of 6.7 years.

For now, I'm in Chicago. I drove out this way for Donald Miller's Storyline Conference. Although I was hesitant to attend, I felt like I was supposed to be here. And since this was the only week that I didn't have teaching jobs or doctors' appointments already booked, I said yes to the invitation. I felt the God nudge that I needed to go.

And since I recalled my favorite teacher, Erwin McManus, once say that it's easier for God to work with someone who is in motion, I chose momentum despite my health being rocky.

I'm so glad I did. Aside from the amazing sessions, I had the opportunity to say hello to Don and to meet his wife. He introduced me to her by saying, "This is Katrina Blank, one of my favorite young writers." He requested a copy of my book be mailed to him once it is printed. (If you'd like one too, katrinablank.com has the scoop on how you can order one.)

Also, today I got to meet and chat with the man who inspired the title of my book, Joshua Harris. Josh wrote a book years ago titled I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I apologized to him for poking fun at his book with the title of mine. He didn't seem to mind. So I toyed with asking him to endorse my book, but didn't.

I received a Bob Goff hug, and sat between his wife Maria and author Susan Isaacs during the final session. Before the session started, a woman in the row ahead of us told me there's a guy she'd like to set me up with. Apparently he's rather tall, which got me thinking, maybe I should go back to Payless and repurchase those black boots I just returned.

Muskoka Remix

And so I saw a shooting star.

I wasn't even wearing my glasses or my contacts and I still saw it. I'm near-sighted, which means I'm not supposed to be able to see that far away without assistance. But I did. I saw a flash of light soar through the heavens.

(In works)

Muskoka

As the seasons shifted from summer to fall, I crossed over country lines from the US to Canada to spend a couple of days with a couple of good friends from New York City.

After finding out that my malaria test might be a false positive, I needed a break from thinking about the health mess I am in. I am tired of battling insurance, medical bills, doctors, referrals, and a possible worker's comp claim. I'm exhausted by the red tape involved in my journey to get my health back. I just want a conclusive diagnosis, so I can be properly treated, so I can be well enough to start making a living again, and possibly even start living out my dreams again.

The other day I decided I needed to pause, and "fast" from all of that.  Because all of that was killing my spirit. So I left the country and drove up Muskako Canada...

IN WORKS...


Last night, while I was out on the dock, I saw a shooting star. It reminded me of the shooting start I saw in July when

Plasmodium Vivax

Last Tuesday, September 2, 2014, I received the news.

That I'm not crazy,
And that the health issues I've been facing since May 2012 aren't simply psychosomatic.  

Last week I received the new from my doctor that I tested positive for Malaria, plasmodium vivax.  I couldn't be more thrilled to have a diagnosis and to know that I'm going to my health back.

This changes EVERYTHING.

The Search Continues

As I settled into the passenger's seat, he handed me a long stem rose and I handed him a fortune cookie. After an early arrival at Denver International Airport, I had picked up an egg roll snack at Panda Express.  And, at check out, I had requested two fortune cookies.

Mine claimed, "A financial investment will yield returns beyond your hopes." Now that would be amazing. I've been crowd sourcing funds to edit, design, and print my first book. And yes, I'm making progress (hurrah!); however, I have a ways yet to go in my pre-release book sales. (See katrinablank.com for information on how you can obtain a pre-release copy for $20.)

Meanwhile, his fortune stated, "Enjoy the good luck a companion brings you." We both liked our fortunes, but I think he liked mine better. I'm not sure how much luck I've brought him since we've been getting to know each other. Perhaps our fortunes got mixed up. Because Mr. Colorado has brought me good luck in my search to find answer to what has been going on with my body.

The day before I boarded the plane to Denver I received the news that my July round of blood work returned with no answers. The doctor who it took me four months to find and to get in to see couldn't make a diagnosis for me. He was my last hope, and he had nothing to offer me. I was devastated, yet still determined to find answers, because I don't believe I'm just crazy. There has to be a reason that I've been feeling so miserable since returning from Africa.

In my final moments with this tropical disease specialist, he inquired, "Have you been tested for thyroid issues?" I got quiet because I felt so defeated. The first time I had met with this man he was kind and caring. This second time around, he wanted nothing to do with me.

"You probably have plenty of times already," he answered for me.

"Yeah, I have."

The doctor agreed to place a few more tests, including a malaria screening, and gluten/celiac disease evaluation, along with a few others. But he also told me, "I'll order these tests, but I want you to understand, I don't think we're going to find anything." Five more vials of blood were extracted from my arm that day (two weeks ago), and I could only hope, that maybe, something might be found this time around.

A night or two later, when I couldn't sleep, I studied my old blood work, considering, perhaps I might find something the doctors overlooked.

And I did.

Since the UM doctor had mentioned thyroid issues (as every other doctor I've been to has also suspected) I went through my thyroid test results and discovered my T3 level in December of last year was on the low end of the "normal."  I quickly learned that low T3 can be a huge culprit of fatigue and can also be an indicator of "comprised liver function."

I knew I was on to something, but again, I would need a professional opinion and evaluation.

Well, it just so happened that while I was out visiting Mr. Colorado, he introduced me to a friend of his -- a thyroid specialist. Last week she agreed to review my compiled test results over the past two years. She confirmed my suspicion: I need to be treated for thyroid issues.

Dreams of Long Ago

Sometime ago I got stood up on a Friday night (well, canceled upon, two days in advance). Rather than making alternate plans, I determined I'd stayed in for the night.  I didn't feel well, and I had a piece of writing begging for my attention.

But in hopping on my computer, rather than going straight to my writing, I checked every form of social media first. (I'm so glad facebook and twitter didn't exist in my undergrad years.) I then continued on to my e-mail and discovered my pastor from LA was speaking that night in New York, near Columbus Circle.

Even though I didn't feel the greatest, I didn't want to miss his book signing.  I had to go, so I invited a friend along, and we booked it up from Soho to hear Erwin McManus speak, and to pick up copies of his most recent work: The Artisan Soul.

As I waited in line for my book to be signed I recalled how seven years prior I was nervous to talk to this particular author.  Back then I informed him I'd like to cohost a talk show and inquired if he had any suggestions for pursuing such a dream.  He recommended I become an expert on a particular subject matter.

I thought on it some and didn't know what I might become an expert on.  I wanted to have a talk show so I could interview other people -- expert individuals -- who could provide the meat of the show's programming content.  Erwin signed my book --Wide Awake-- and I continued on my way a bit discouraged, thinking the dream of my youth might be too far fetched, a bit too unrealistic. 

Still, that December my friend Aaron (a camera man who had worked on a series call The Drive TV) and a potential cohost, made plans to meet with a family friend of mine in Owosso, Michigan.  It seemed this individual (Gordon Pennington) might be able to help us with "The Dream." Although we enjoyed the conversation, our time in Owosso didn't seem to help move the dream along.

But then I moved from California to New York a few years later and I ran into this same family friend at a dinner party in the city.  Eventually I started to assist Gordon with some conference coordinating and in the process of booking speakers I befriended an amazing woman named Jackie.  En route from New York to Nashville last fall, I dropped by her place for a night, and she told me about this television network she has been in the process of getting off the ground.

Tonight I participated in a vision conference call for Jane TV .  Funny how the media dreams of my youth no longer seem so unrealistic.

But back to that Friday night - the night I got stood up.  This time when I got to the front of the book signing line I wasn't at all nervous to speak with Erwin.  In fact, I told him, "Extra bonus points if you can remember my name."

He replied, "Of course I know your name.  It's Katrina.  Katrina Blank."  I then insisted he stand up so I could give him a hug. 

Following my conversation with Erwin, I chatted with another author named Eric Metaxas.  He took interest in chatting with me because he also knows Gordon (that family friend), and I had connected with his top assistant a year or so prior.

I mention Eric because a few days following the book signing I learned that Eric is living out the dream of my youth.  You can check out his show, 100 Huntley. 

At this point in my life, I'm not overly eager to pursue possibilities in television.  However, I love seeing friends and acquaintances embrace such a medium as a means of offering hope to the world.